Lois Lane here, reporting in for a news brief. I’ve received an electronic message in my in-box (offtheifrecord@gmail.com) from a blogger who needs to vent.
All vents/grievances/complaints are anonymous. My source will never be revealed-so don’t ask. Read at your own risk-some of these vents may cause you to shift in your seat. So take care in commenting, and remember sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can hurt like hell.
Required Reading before leaving a comment: Record Rules. Capiche?
I will say right off the bat, I am incredibly thankful for what I have. I do have a child after many heartaches and treatments.
So my complaints may go in one ear and out the other for some.
But I am hurting. Its the kind of hurt where you can physically feel your heart ache.
I am watching those around me that have kids the same age as my child move onto being pregnant with their second. Some are after going through treatments again, but you know what? A LOT of them are: “Oh wow, we just found out by surprise that we are pregnant.” And my goodness, thats fantastic for them. But my goodness it makes me feel like SHIT. Its even hard for me to listen to one my dearest friends who is pregnant (happy for her)–but she says things to me or indirectly to other people that I overhear or read, and it just makes me want to scream at her: “Do you not think I would give anything to feel what you are feeling right now” Actually drives me a bit nuts since she knows how much these comments might hurt me.
Im also not in a great place with my husband. So I am feeling incredibly lonely and just not where I wanted to be starting a new year.
I guess this is sort of like a {Post Secret} where Im not sure if I can really ask advice, but just venting here since Im not really up for sharing this much detail on my blog.
I never really could sympathize with those going through “Secondary Infertility” when I was just praying to have ONE, but now I get it. I dont feel like my family is complete, but we cannot afford more treatment or even pursue adoption right now. And with my husband and I not even in a great space, why would I want to add another kid into the mix right now.
Ok, you get the point. Im blue and not really sure how to move forward with a better outlook…
Oh, I get that. I have been feeling the same way lately. I am also very blessed and managed to get pregnant and have a baby.
Still, I used donor eggs for my only living children. I, too, have seen too many posts lately from people I thought were like me – who couldn’t have a genetic child – get that surprise pregnancy and baby.
I will never have that surprise. We have severe MFI. There is no way a sperm is getting to an egg without help. And what did that help do for us? Fried my eggs, that’s what. I am convinced if my husbands sperm was normal, we would have gotten pregnant easily at 34 years old. Instead, my first live baby came at 40.
Yes, I am lucky. I got to be pregnant. I didn’t need to go to the next step (for us) which would have been adoption. But I am still envious and sometimes really resent my husband (although I love him dearly). The day we decided to pursue IVF with ICSI rather than DI is they day the chance of my own genetic child died (although we didn’t know it at the time.)
I am sorry you are hurting. You are not alone. Hugs to you.