Lois Lane here, reporting in for a news brief. I’ve received an electronic message in my in-box (offtheifrecord@gmail.com) from a blogger who needs to vent. All vents/grievances/complaints are anonymous. My source will never be revealed-so don’t ask. Read at your own risk-some of these vents may cause you to shift in your seat. So take care in commenting, and remember sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can hurt like hell.
Required Reading before leaving a comment: Record Rules. Capiche?
I’m not doing okay.
My little sister and my (younger) sister-in-law are both pregnant.
And due on THE EXACT SAME DAY.
My little sister has been “trying” for two years to get pregnant. If,
by trying, you mean crying every month when her period came. In
February, I asked her if she is ovulating. (As a PCOS person,
obviously I live and breathe ovulation).
She said, “How would I know?” Um…
You see, whenever my fertility would come up in conversations with my
mom, she would say, “And look at X. She can’t get pregnant…I can’t
believe both of my daughters have infertility.”
(Yeah, mom isn’t really sensitive, but that comes later.)
So, my sister, who cried monthly, had really NO IDEA HOW PREGNANCY
OCCURS. She just thought she had sex and got pregnant. And, for some
people, it does.
I told her, go to Walgreens and buy some sticks. TAKE A PICTURE.
(She is lazy). I made her send me the pic. Turns out, she ovulates
just fine.
A few weeks later, she called me and said, “You got me pregnant!” My
mom told her, “Oh, X, people have been getting pregnant for years
without tracking their ovulation. It was just YOUR TIME”.
Why, I ask you, is it just “her time?” She is five years younger than
me? I’m 31. She has never even had a job. She graduated UNDER grad
after 7 years of following different boyfriends. Both my husband and
I have careers. I am going through premature ovarian failure and
PCOS. The medicines are making me crazy. I work out daily, watch
every bite of food that goes into my mouth, and don’t drink. Why
isn’t it MY time?
Their gains aren’t my loss. But it is hard. They both announced
their pregnancies on FB this week. It’s been TONS of fun. People
have no problem reminding me that I am not young, and also asking me
IF I AM JEALOUS.
My mom doesn’t get it. She said, “I had a hard time getting pregnant
with you, too…” No. It took her three months, and then she had 3
kids in 47 months.
If I talk about my infertility to my friends, I’m either 1) obsessing
or 2) isolating them, as all of them are either pregnant or mommies.
It’s hard.
I understand how much that sucks! 2 of my SILs (both younger than me also) are pg and due within 1 week of each other. One was trying, one wasn’t. One is a good mom, one is a drug addict that hasn’t stopped doing anything she was doing before just because she’s pg. Real nice, huh?
When I made the mistake of calling my mom because I was upset that my BFF is pg after 6 mos of trying and here I am still trying after more than 2 years… she tells me “You can’t say its been a long time until its been 5 or 6 years” Really?!?!?! What the hell does she know about it? She had 4 kids by the time she 25….
I know its hard to deal with, but hang in there as best as you can. At least we can get support from the blogoverse…
Signed,
Just another IF Sister
Just another IF Sister:
“I know its hard to deal with, but hang in there as best as you can. At least we can get support from the blogoverse… ”
Yep. I am the one who wrote the letter above. Just having you, ONE person, (plus Lois Lane, of course) validate my pain is SO AMAZING. Thank you!
May we all be mom’s for next Mother’s Day!
Wow, that sounds INCREDIBLY tough. I had a rough time when a friend of mine got pregnant and announced it the week I found out my second cycle failed. But your younger sister…and after not really trying at all…I can see how that would seriously make you want to break something. I’m so sorry your mother and random facebook friends had to be so unbelievably insensitive. Why can’t people just keep their mouths shut???
A good and supportive friend of mine said something that really helped me. She said, “Insulate, ignore, protect, and proceed”. It sounds really simple…and a little random, I guess, but it really helped me. The thing is, what we’re going through is so painful that we have to really be careful who we’re in contact with. The biggest goal right now is just to protect ourselves as much as possible and proceed on with our goal. Obviously, you can’t avoid your mother, but maybe you can avoid the topic if she’s just gonna be hurtful. You can take a break from facebook, though, if checking in there often is going to jab at your wounds.
Hang in there! We’re gonna get through this! You’re not alone!
Thank you! Actually, I have to have an endo laproscopy this week, so my mind has totaLly changed over to just wanting to feel better. Which is better than stressing about babies. I’m going to get better and then I’m gonna deal with the infertility…once the Vicodin wears off!
My mom is coming out this week, I think she is seeing the severity so maybe she will keep her mouth shut for a minute!
Lois: thank you so much for this site! Has made me feel a ton better! Xo
So glad you were able to use this space! Glad you are feeling better!
Hello! I know you don’t know me, but we’ve got something in common. I got your blog address off the Stirrup Queen’s blogroll and was wondering if you wouldn’t mind helping me help a couple who is trying to add a little one to their family. We’re holding a silent auction for them this weekend (Friday and Saturday) on goteamwitt.blogspot.com and need help getting the word out! We would love it if you would spread the word via social media or here on your blog. Additionally, we are always looking for more donations to auction off, so if you or someone you know might be interested in making a donation, all the information is under the donate tab. If you have any questions or would be willing to post a pre-written blog post about the auction and the sponsored couple, please contact Kristin at goteamwitt@gmail.com Thanks in advance for taking the time to consider this!